Getting Hotter for Myself, Not Just Him (Musings)

In this podcast episode, HouseSlaveFag thinks out loud about wanting to look better — and who he's really doing it for. He runs into a Master at the gym, works through the cut phase he's in before an upcoming cruise with his Owner, and gets just a little bit of fun. He gets candid about the men he's been chatting with, and a tourist hookup that left him wanting more. He closes by sharing the intro to his first non-fiction book, Becoming a Slave, curated from his blog.

Topics in this episode

• A Master at the Gym, and My Cut (00:49)
• Who Am I Doing This For? (03:21)
• More Than a Mouth (07:42)
• My New Book: Becoming a Slave (12:57)

I'm chasing a flat stomach by the end of the year and I'm finally hopeful I could get there. And yes, my first book is finally out.

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House Slave Fag's BlogHouse Slave Fag

Hi there,

Welcome to another episode of "A Fag's Journey into Submission." I am your host, House Slave Fag.

I'm sorry it's been a while. I've been trying to be productive, but the podcast suffered. I'm thrilled to release a new book though. I'm really enjoying curating my blog into five books with diverse themes. I'll tell you more about that at the end of this episode.

Today I'm thinking out loud about a few things. Running into a Master I've been talking to at the gym. The cut I'm on before my next cruise with my Owner. And just a little bit of fun I had, after a lot of chats.

Enjoy!

A Master at the Gym, and My Cut

I ran into one of the Masters I mentioned a couple of weeks ago at the gym. I’m surprised that didn’t happen earlier, since he’s muscular and I’m sure he works out a lot. My god, he lifts so much! He benched 200 pounds on his first set! Though you'd never guess from the way he looks. I mean, he looks good, very toned, but he's not especially pumped. And he was covering everything up with a t-shirt instead of showing off his muscles with a tank top.

I wonder why that was. He seems quite private but everyone likes to flaunt their muscles if they have them. I got the feeling that he's just like the rest of us mortals when I walked into the bathroom and saw him taking several shots of himself in front of the mirror.

Unfortunately, he’s one of the Masters who didn’t want to send pictures to my Owner. And he was also reluctant to let me blog about him if we’d start having sessions. So we didn’t.

Speaking about the gym, my workouts are going well, thanks, and I’m sticking to all my fitness and nutrition goals with the help of the perfect app I tailored to my needs. I think my Owner will be happy with the results already when we meet next month on our next gay cruise, while I continue to push for a flat stomach by the end of the year. I texted him that I lost over two inches from my belly over the last month and he texted back "good boy."

I had never aimed for a flat stomach because I had this idea that it wasn’t achievable with my body structure. I’d love to be surprised. But more than a flat stomach, a worthy goal in its own right, what I always like seeing is bigger muscles. I think you all will enjoy that too when I share more thirst traps on Twitter or perhaps I‘ll share more on one of the subscription-based platforms. Everyone likes big biceps and pits.

My AI is encouraging me that I'm right on track, as the inches come off, and the weight I lift at the gym consistently goes up. But I realized that in this textbook cut phase I'm not really going to see a lot of muscle bulk, but more definition — revealing more muscle by shedding the fat covering it. I hope I'll be happy with the result, assuming I stick with my regimen. I'm developing healthy habits, but the physique I'm creating is more suited to what my Master seeks than I. Then again, let me just see where I'm at by the end of the year, and if I really lose so much fat, I could then do a lean bulking phase to add more muscle. Woof, that's what I like!

Who Am I Doing This For?

In just about a month I'm going on my next gay cruise with my Owner. As usual, I don’t expect a lot of sexual experiences on the cruise, as he limits them a lot, though of course he’ll use me himself. To be sure he feels safe to breed me, I need to abstain from sex a good while before the departure, because STI tests can't test for what happened in the ten days before the test. I've been trying to encourage the guys I'm talking to online to get more proactive about meeting (or less flaky, in other words), and if I want to be of good service to my Owner and start abstaining soon, I might not meet many of them at this rate.

With some of them who claimed they'd be open to getting to know me — whether for repeat hookups, 24/7 house slave situations, or even dating — that's more frustrating. Because how could you really hope to develop anything if you're not even able to meet once after chatting for a week. Some of them sound really fun, but the longer they stall, the more I doubt they have any serious intentions, or even experience.

I'm hoping though, that even if I don't get a lot of sex here in my home town, or even on the cruise, that I'll get what I need later. I’ll be available to get used on one extra night that I’ll stay in Barcelona after the cruise, and then, staying much longer in Vienna.

I was debating between Vienna and Gran Canaria, but it’s been longer since I’ve been in Vienna and I might aim to go to Gran Canaria for Fetish Pride later this year. My experiences in Vienna were all at the beautiful Kaiserbrundl sauna and the small but social and kink-friendly Hard On bar, and that’s enough for me.

Honestly I’m also more tempted by Vienna because I love the food there, but I’ll have to watch my diet. Especially as it’s going to be right after the cruise, so the challenge to regain healthy habits will be harder. To mitigate that, I added a couple of reminders on my phone including nutrition tips to read during that time.

Let me talk for a moment about body image while I’m at it. I’m glad it’s not so much of a big issue for me, that it would cause any disorder, but of course it still matters to me and I feel better whenever I’m doing something to improve the way I look. I think we should all love ourselves regardless of our BMI, but it's also good to want to do better — and maintain healthy goals.

Working out and eating healthy make us feel better, for a number of reasons, including the happy hormones that are released. I also think it helps when I look better and thanks to that can feel better about myself. The positive feedback from my environment reinforces that, especially seeing more hot guys wanting to fuck me, and also more guys wanting to submit and send me money.

Again, everything within healthy measure. Having just a little dissatisfaction to drive me to improve can be good. I'm seeing that having this feeling and wanting to get better for myself is a stronger motivator than wanting to do it for someone else, like my Master. It can be confusing, because I know the feeling of wanting to please him is real. I also often think about (or drool over) hot men I want to attract, and I know I need to be hot for them too. But that's an even weaker motivator, because it's too abstract. What I needed was to have concrete goals.

So right now I'm working toward a goal of a flat stomach by the end of the year. It was set by my Master, who has long wanted me to get a flat stomach, but it was actually my idea to set a concrete timeline, work with AI, and develop a smart new app. For the first time, I feel like this goal is achievable.

Don't get me wrong, I like the way I look. But I can look better. And I wonder what difference it can make for me, not only in terms of hookups, but in other areas, including my job hunting. While I'm working hard on building my portfolio, network, and reputation in a new field, I have a feeling that new found confidence from a significant improvement in the way I look, will itself contribute a lot, besides a potential effect from my looks. Not that I'm hunting for a modeling job, but let's not kid ourselves — looks help everywhere.

So I'll keep working on that. Wish me luck. Feel free to encourage me with a tip.

More Than a Mouth

I've been talking to a few interesting Masters over the past week. A couple of them said they'd be open to the possibility that something romantic could develop. But I still haven't met any of them. I'm only here for about another month, so it's getting a little frustrating. I'll be back a couple of months later, but am I the only one who wants to live in the moment and enjoy what we can right now?

I’m wondering if I am showing a bit too much eagerness toward some of the guys I’m chatting with online. Like this guy who looks quite athletic and told me he’s into pissing, pimping out, humiliating, and “using you for house chores too.” Oh, and also scat, “if you’re into it,” he said, but I’m not.

He said I looked like a total slut. And that of course when he pimps me out, whether to buddies or clients, he expects me to be in lingerie. And preferably locked in chastity. I‘m always locked in chastity when meeting men, but not so experienced in feminization and being pimped out, apart from a couple of incidents and fantasies that I reported about in my books. He also asked if I know how to drink piss. Of course I do!

As to a house slave situation, doesn’t seem like he’s looking for long stays, but he said he enjoys having obedient whores over for the weekend. He seemed quite serious about whoring me out to migrant workers at the central bus station cruising spot. He said I needed to be broken down by many hung men and that he preferred to fuck after the hole was already used up, not to mention flooded, though I hope he’ll use me even if I have to be protected with a condom. He didn’t like the idea.

I haven't heard from him in several days and I guess he doesn't get notifications. In the meantime, I got horny and went deeper in my fantasies about him. I wrote him I imagined myself traveling with him abroad. In my fantasy, he sent me to some girl to give me a total makeover, including fake boobs. Then he took me to some sex party of men who preferred women and crossdressers. It turned out it was also a filming location for porn, and some of his buddies there wanted to use me for their productions.

I told him I needed someone like him to teach me and tell me it wasn't embarrassing to be seen and used like that, and that it was natural. I said I suddenly felt this inexplicable urgency to take dick from him and become his obedient whore.

Back to reality, I finally had a quick hookup with an American tourist who was visiting here for a few days. I might meet with him once more before he's gone because I enjoyed sucking his cock. But he left me a bit sexually frustrated. Not because I was locked in chastity and didn't cum. That's the usual. But it was all about sucking his cock, with nothing more.

He didn't prevent me from feeling up his pecs and biceps, which were nice. He's an athletic guy, taller than me, and handsome. But he didn't want any cuddling. When I dared lick one of his nipples once, he was quick to guide me back to his cock.

He was very verbal, telling me I was a good boi and that my sucking pleased him. While he had porn streaming on his laptop, he enjoyed making eye contact, looking down at me while I was on my knees, sucking his cock or licking his balls. His cock was a good size for sucking, not particularly big to choke on, but a little thicker than average, to give me that nice feeling of it filling my mouth. I sucked his cock for several minutes before he put some lube in his hand and took over, to jerk himself off. He told me to lick his balls and suck on them, taking them into my mouth, one at a time.

His cock and balls became smoother — I was licking the lube that was sliding off his cock. I hoped it was edible. But it's OK. It didn't take much longer. Finally he got off the couch and stood up. He stroked his cock faster until he came on my face. I think some of it got into my eye, despite my warning to him earlier to be careful since he had announced he’d want to cum on my face. I had teary eyes all day after that.

I was thinking of getting to know him better, for the possibility of serving as his house slave when I visit his city, since he was open to that. But I realized I wouldn't be satisfied if I couldn't bottom for him or hug him. Somehow, it's less frustrating to serve as a faggot without sex at all, for the Masters who prefer that scenario. But when I'm already having sex with a guy, I guess I need a little more.

I love cock, but I'm not really fetishist. Not that there's anything wrong with that. That's just how I'm wired. Even if I can give extensive devoted attention to one part of the body, I'm usually still interested in the other parts of that guy's body. So I need something more. That he'd either fuck me, kiss me, or hold me.

And just so you know, in the end I didn’t pursue another meeting with him. But I got to hook up with another Master, who was far more hung than I had expected. Perhaps I’ll tell you more about that next week.

My New Book: Becoming a Slave

Finally, let me share with you some bits from the intro to my new book, the first of five that I curated out of my blog. Here goes.

Just as you expect to see character development in a novel, I hope I managed to convey to you the changes I went through in my autobiographic blog. I’m not the same fag I was when I began writing it. By letting myself experience more kinks and more submission, I expanded my horizons, and sometimes even my limits.

This book is about introducing myself to you. If you’re meeting me for the first time, it’s the best entry point to getting to know me. I’m a gay digital nomad in my early forties with some kinks, but really I’m the boy next door. Nothing unusual, and even private. While I’m totally out about being gay, I don’t let everyone know about all my sexual adventures, except you of course. I share everything with you! In this blog anthology, you’ll find two books detailing my experiences of slutting out, wearing a chastity cage in saunas and cruising bars anywhere from Vienna to Mexico City. In a separate set of books that are fiction, I’ve been sharing my deepest fantasies, from taking things further with my Master (as if it’s not kinky enough on his leash), to being trained into sissification.

In this book I share how I became a house slave fag. It was through encounters with various men, who all knew how to push me a little deeper into submission. They saw my potential beyond my horny eagerness. That I could learn and develop desires to do chores even without sex being involved. Drinking piss was no longer taboo after I had enough time to consider one Master’s suggestion that I should do it.

None of my journey was expected, and I certainly didn’t expect to share it with the whole world. I wish I’d known how much fun this could be when I was a twink, as many more dominant muscular daddies would have been happy to use me back then. But I’ll try not to complain. Finding Masters can be hard, but I do have plenty of fun.

I’m already touching on several of the themes that you’ll encounter in this book and the rest of the series that makes up my blog. Starting with my personal journey in this book; on to the one focused on my relationship with my Master, my Owner, and how we make it work; then to cruising around the world in the next two books; and finally, to the one where I stretched my limits, at times too far, almost to the point of losing control.

In the last book I deal more with mental health and safety, but you may find such concerns popping up in this book too. My top priority and hardest limit as a sub is my health. So it’s important for me to get that across in what I share with you, because I genuinely want you to take the best care of yourselves and each other too. If at times it seems like I’m holding back or being too careful, it’s quite the opposite. I share with you all my thoughts, including my concerns, so that you can truly immerse yourself in my experiences, including in vivid and intense sexual scenes.

That said, there’s one minor caveat I should share for full transparency. Some topics that I’d want to talk more about are literally taboo. Not necessarily for me, but for publishers and content platforms. Even innocuous references to hypnosis may be labeled as harmful “bogus consent.” Huffing and recreational drugs are also tricky to address, even from a critical perspective, because algorithms can be dumb and their handlers are not trained to promote healthy, consensual, and conscientious content for our pleasure. Not that I am a mental health professional, but I do know more than them about sexual health and rights.

Pardon me for that little scolding, but if it’s not clear by now, I’m a nerdy fag. I’m here to both entertain and educate you. Consider me the dignified sub — as my AI agent likes to call me — because of my thinking and because I repeatedly portray my submission as an ongoing conscious choice. I speak my mind as much as I think from my hole. And sometimes from my mind’s hole. But I’ll tell you more about mindfucking later.

I truly hope you enjoy and learn from this book and that you’ll share it with others. Really, I’m overjoyed every time one of you tells me that you enjoyed my blog and stories or even learned something new. More than anything, I love hearing from you when you get to experience more through my eyes and even let yourself explore deeper into your own kinks and have some more safe fun.

That concludes the introduction to my book. And oh my god, I love the huge reaction so far. My first tweet announcing the book went viral and I got 300 new followers in one day.

The digital book is now available to buy from a number of stores, including Apple and Barnes & Noble. Go to books2read.com/subjourney1 or use the link in the show notes. Podcast listeners have access to a special launch offer. You’ll find the current details and discount code in the show notes.

Your purchase helps me create more, so I really appreciate that! And by the way, don’t be thrown off by its classification as fiction. That’s just another quirk of the publishing industry, that requires me to use the existing erotica categories, even though they’re only available under fiction.

And I already got started on the next one. I’m eager to make it a happy sexy pride for you. Because you know me: I’m eager to please.

Until next time, be well, be good, and have fun.