The Limits That Keep Me His
Musing on why my hard limits aren't up for negotiation, plus two blog posts on inspection on arrival and a long-denied orgasm at sea.
In this episode, House Slave Fag opens with a musings segment of the kind he usually keeps for premium subscribers — an honest reflection (or rant) about what limits mean to him as an owned sub. A Dom in Mexico who wouldn't respect a hard limit, a Master throwing a tantrum about a day trip cut short by circumstances, and a worry about whether his Master is still being careful with his sexual health. Then two posts written at the start of the same gay cruise, when the trip still felt simple.
Topics in this episode
- What My Limits Are For (01:03)
- Inspected on Arrival (10:54)
- Denial in an Orgy (16:05)
Blog posts mentioned in this episode
House Slave Fag
House Slave Fag
Books mentioned in this episode
- Becoming a Slave: books2read.com/subjourney1
- My Master & Me: books2read.com/subjourney2
More episodes, stories, and weekly bonus musings at houseslavefag.com/podcast.
Listen to this episode here, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
House Slave Fag
Transcript
Hi there,
Welcome to another episode of "A Fag's Journey into Submission." I am your host, House Slave Fag.
I just got back from a long vacation with my Master — a gay cruise in the Mediterranean — and I'm still catching up on everything.
I'm opening with a musings segment, to share with you my latest thoughts, a rant really, about limits. After that, I'll share with you my last two blog posts, which I wrote at the start of the same trip, before I'd had time to simmer in my thoughts. The first about meeting my Master and being inspected. And the second — about being sexually frustrated in an orgy at sea, on my Master's leash — figuratively speaking, though I would accept his leash in public too.
It's all really about what I'm willing to submit to, and what I have to decide for myself. And it's about sex. After the rant, I have to treat you to some sexy tales.
Enjoy.
What My Limits Are For
My exhausting vacation with my Master is finally over and it's time to get back to old routines. Exhausting isn't the first thing people seek in a vacation, but rather to relax and recharge. However, that's how my Master likes it, and he’s the one who calls the shots. But frankly, I know he's not the only one.
It's fun to have new experiences, even adventures. But for me, the question is just how much of them. I grew up on the adage that anything might be good if it's in good measure. Too much — going beyond a certain limit — and you get tired even of the thickest dessert or the tastiest dick. Or the tastiest dessert and thickest dick. Those are two of my favorite things.
On this last gay cruise in the Mediterranean my Master commented again about how I keep my stays at his place short. That is, usually under two weeks. That's partly for practical reasons — not to overstay my welcome as a non-resident in the US — but also because I need time by myself and it's not easy to be on his tight leash for very long.
I was thinking again during this cruise about wanting to go on another one on my own. Though the only other upcoming gay cruise I'm interested in is one that he's interested in too. I'd just want to have it a little more relaxed, without having to participate in so many activities, including our excursions in the scorching heat of Europe in July. I'll give him this: he highly prioritizes sleep, so I got enough of it. I'm just not built to stay out dancing so late every night. He expressed his appreciation when I stayed up with him until 4 a.m. at the White Party. And I expressed thanks, or rather, relief, that he didn't act on his wish, to keep us up until sunrise after 6 a.m., because that would have been torture.
That same day happened to be the least pleasant of the trip. We took a train east from the port to visit Monaco. He also wanted to go west, past our port, to visit Nice. But we found that there was a fire on the train track, so we had to take a bus. Buses take much longer and because there were no trains, they became very crowded. I wasn't ready to take the risk with further travel that would bring us closer to the all-aboard deadline before the ship would leave port, so I told him I would get off at our port and wouldn't continue on the journey west.
He was furious and rude — which I considered unjustified. Sure I was offended, but I maintained my composure and avoided getting into a fight with him. I knew this wasn't a me problem but his problem to deal with. Unfortunately he could only process his feelings as a spoiled brat, not getting his way, and even when I finally commented on that a little more critically — on another day — he still couldn't acknowledge that he was at fault.
We were traveling with another friend, so if the friend would've found it reasonable to continue, the two of them could've visited Nice without me. In the end, we all went back to the ship, because the friend was concerned too. Honestly, I think I did my Master a favor, because our friend would've gotten much more anxious than I would and my Master would have had a far worse experience.
It's such a turn-off when my Master acts like a child, needing to have things his way, no matter what, ignoring risks and rules. This reminds me of another, far worse brat, if you don't mind me going on a brief tangent. If you happen to remember the Master from Mexico, on whom I also based the plot of my story Submitting to Master Macho, then you can forget about him. I reached out to him again the other day to see if I could visit him toward the end of the year. But he insisted on ignoring my limits.
Never mind that I don't normally enjoy remote control and I prefer to do my submission in person, when we meet. But even if I comply with tasks online, I still need my limits respected. He asked for new photos. First, to show him my hole. Then to show him my cock. I complied, though these days I normally only present my cock to others locked. Then he asked for another photo, showing myself locked on my knees, revealing all the way up to my mouth, with my tongue out. I told him that privacy and reputation were hard limits for me, so I couldn't share my face, nor a part of it, in a nude photo. At first I thought he was insisting just because he was uninformed and wrongly believed that one couldn't be identified based on a partial photo. But he made it quite clear that he just didn't give a fuck about my limits and he was only interested in subs who would be willing to take risks for him, no matter how dangerous and irreversible to their wellbeing and livelihoods.
I guess it's not about him being a moron, just an asshole. A total Alpha who doesn't care about potentially destroying his subs because of reckless, uncalculated risks. He could be so much fun, and it was hot to hang out with him even just for a night at the Sexto Piso sex club in Mexico City. But even the hottest fun is not worth risking everything. What’s more, a person who challenges your hard limits once, won't stop there. He will do it again and it can get much worse.
Back to my Master. On our last night together before he flew back home, we had an interesting conversation that ran on the same thread — limits. He said he could be much nicer to me, as he treated others, but he was worried that being nice would only make me less submissive. Essentially he was complaining about similar things. I wouldn't submit to just anything. I had limits.
This is me with all my faults. For someone like Master Macho, it can sure seem like a lot of limits, though a big part of them comes from my Owner. He requires that I obtain his permission for me to meet anyone, and that I submit photos, and he forbids barebacking with others. I'm also not allowed to cum without his permission or even meet others unlocked. Most Doms don't mind that, but some have passed on meeting because of that. I also started using some hair products he insisted on. And I'm following a strict diet and fitness plan based on his goals for me. So with so many requirements, I have very little patience for anyone questioning my limits, including my Owner, who is the only one I really let stretch them when it comes to privacy and remote control.
I was really surprised, and even annoyed, when he claimed he'd been generous in no longer requiring that I get tested every time I visited him. He had never communicated that, and I never took advantage of this free pass. I always got tested before meeting him and never ever considered putting him at risk while he was barebacking me.
It infuriated me to realize that I needed to remind him now that he still could not breed others before breeding me. I reminded him at one point when he left our room for a bit — which I suspected was for a hookup. I was increasingly getting the feeling he wasn't always being safe. He did not confirm whether he bred someone just then, but he didn’t breed me again until the end of our vacation.
I won't probe on this again. He's not dumb. He forbids me from barebacking with others, and he knows very well how important it is for me to be safe too. He can't possibly think I'd be relaxed about catching something from him. However, apart from that time I reminded him about my need for safety, we haven't thoroughly discussed the possibility of starting to practice unsafe sex with others. If he risks my health in that way, that would be a betrayal of my trust, and my instinct would be to end our relationship.
Taking a step back, there is a scenario in which barebacking with others close to when we're meeting each other would be OK, and that is in the case that we were to discuss starting to fuck raw with other people. That's a possibility, but we're not there yet, and it would require me to take a decision to start taking those risks. There's merit to it, as there are a lot of guys I would've loved to play with, and they refused because I couldn't bottom without a condom. But that's up to me to decide. That autonomy is critical, even for a sub. It's a matter of limits. I can choose to give up that limit, but I must be given that choice. Otherwise, if he breaks my limit that's a betrayal of trust — which is an even bigger issue than condoms.
And just so there's no question that our understanding hasn't changed, when he thought he was giving me a pass about testing, it was the opposite, as I took extreme measures to protect him. I was testing before meeting him, so that he'd be able to breed me from day one, and I even abstained from sex with others for longer periods before the tests, to ensure that they cover all potential infections.
Forgive me as this came out as a full rant. But maybe I needed to say it out loud. I'm getting so impatient with Masters ignoring my limits and I'm infuriated by the idea that my Master may be forgetting them too. Limits and trust are the things that have kept our relationship going for over six years. And I may be angry for fear he's compromising what we have, whether knowingly or unwittingly.
So let's take a break here and move on to share with you the two blog posts I wrote before all this, when we both arrived in Italy for the cruise.
Inspected on Arrival
I had such an awful day until I was in my Master’s arms. Everything worked against me, starting with a stool exam I had to take at 7am, because I had rimmed a guy infected by some stomach parasites. In the clinic, I couldn’t poop so I gave up after 5 minutes because there was only one toilet and I knew people would be waiting. When I got out there were several women and men waiting inside the bathroom, instead of queuing outside as people normally would, giving me the stare of shame. I had to go home, try there, and then come back with my sample. I’m glad the lab didn’t find anything. I could go on with everything else that went wrong that day, but surely this was enough to paint you a vivid picture.
Once I was on the plane I was determined to change my mood. I wanted to start my vacation right and also not to bring down my Master with my shit. I decided I could still start my vacation on the right foot by considering it hadn’t started yet. I was simply on my “Via Dolorosa” to get there. And I could calm myself down and give myself treats the closer I got to my Master. I had a wine spritz on the plane, a shower and some decent lounge food at the transit airport, and I listened to the music I love, like Celine Dion. Yeah, I’m gay!
Finally I arrived. My Master had arrived in town earlier in the day, so he went out to the bars, but he entered the room just a few minutes after I arrived. I walked over to hug him. He commented that I was moist and needed to shower, so he didn’t hold his embrace. I had showered in transit but I knew it wasn’t clean enough for his standards. After showering I also had to put deodorant on right away for him — one of the only things I bothered to unpack before bed. Before releasing the embrace this time, he felt my body up — my pecs, shoulders, ass — to see how my fitness plan was going. He didn’t offer praise, but he seemed contented. He felt my dick too, I guess to see if I was locked. I’m sure he’ll have me locked a lot on the cruise, when I’m around other men, but I didn’t want that for my flights. I shared with the BDSM chat group of the cruise we’re going on, that there was that time security stopped me just to read what was written on the metal dog tag on my collar. I was wearing it now but I wasn’t wearing it throughout my trip. I only put it back on after I’d passed all of the security checkpoints.
After my Master took a quick shower too, he went to sleep right away. When I awoke before 6am, he reached for me. We were sleeping in separate beds but they were pushed together, so I scooted over and we cuddled. Perhaps I was a little too cuddly for him, so he pushed me down a bit, to rest my head on his chest. But I was still moving around, kissing his chest and armpits, and I guess he was aroused too. He pushed me down a little further, under his blanket. I had already felt his dick against mine, under our clothes.
I kissed his cock over his shorts, but for a change, I didn’t wait for an invitation, and I took his shorts and underwear off. I started sucking his cock right away. It was so good to feel it filling my mouth. It is a little thicker than average. I sucked all the way down with passion, humming a bit as I took it in with deep suction to maximize his pleasure. For him though he needs speed in addition to pressure, and sure enough he soon whispered “faster,” while he grabbed my head with two hands and pushed me down on his shaft. I did my best to suck fast and added my hand to stroke him, just as he liked. It’s a challenge because I can’t suck as fast as I can stroke, though it always seems like he expects me to.
I loved feeling his athletic body as I sucked. His pecs, his shoulders — it seems he’s been watching his diet too ahead of the cruise. With my tongue I reached low, to tease just under the base of his cock, where I know he is most sensitive and likes to be pleasured. Then he pushed me further down to rim him as he took over jerking himself off.
After I sucked his thick cock a little more, while feeling his athletic body, he turned around and got on all fours, presenting his beautiful ass for me to rim. I don’t normally get very excited from ass but I have to give my Master credit. He’s such a hot jock. I licked deep and fast, just as he likes, while grabbing his cock with my hand to stroke it. He didn’t hide that he was enjoying it.
After a couple of minutes of that he turned around and encouraged me to suck fast, using my hand too. I don’t normally like cum very much but I wanted his. I wanted him to enjoy my throat as much as he liked and I didn’t let go of it as he came inside my throat. Then he released it from my throat to squeeze out the last drops of cum and I licked them off his abs.
Denial in an Orgy
It’s been over a week since I have cum. In the first two days, when my Master got upset with me a couple of times, I felt I needed to cum so I could relax. To be clear, I won’t take the blame for upsetting him. He was responsible for his own triggers and moods, even if he couldn’t accept it. Maintaining my own calm in such tense situations is harder when I’m more on edge because of not cumming for several days.
Today he finally said I could cum after I finished my workout. But of course, there was no time after my workout because there was an afternoon tea dance we had to go to. There’s just no break with him. We have been walking outdoors all day in Malta, and despite trying to stay in the shade (including by carrying umbrellas) it was exhausting at 36 Celsius / 97 Fahrenheit! So when we got back, the gym was my break, and after that, a cold shower and less than 30 minutes on my bed while my fitness watch recharged.
Later that night, after dinner, two shows, and dancing at our next party for the day, he was finally ready to leave at 2am and “go watch a show.” He is always very meticulous about booking all the shows: the drag queens and other musical shows, the magician, the comedians, and the acrobats. But for a moment I couldn’t think what show could still be on at that time. I was so tired that I couldn’t think straight, but then I realized what he meant. My voyeur Master was referring to watching guys fucking on the dick deck, the ship’s nightly cruising area.
It wasn’t as entertaining for me as it was for him though. I’m just wired so differently. It’s not very interesting for me if I can’t touch. Eventually he let me get closer to some guys and I could even jerk off a couple of them. But I couldn’t suck. Not even the 40-year-old muscular Latino daddy who let me touch his pecs and would’ve probably let me suck him off.
Since I wasn’t able to play with anyone, I figured I may as well cum, if my Master would let me cum there. “Aren’t you locked?” he asked. I was, but I reminded him that I had the key to my chastity cage with me.
So he allowed me to cum there, and I unlocked my cage. It was the first time in two years that I let a bunch of guys see my unlocked cock. It was almost an unfamiliar feeling, walking around showing off my hard on and stroking myself in front of other men, like a hot confident man. I do feel good about the way I look, especially with all the effort I’ve put into toning. But I also wanted to be treated like a fag, to be looked at like a fag. I was tempted to get down on my knees or at least crouch beside any of the hung athletic guys, though this wasn’t the kinkiest place, just a plain cruising area with over 60 men fucking.
As thrilling though as all of this was, I just couldn’t get excited enough without sucking cock. That is even when a 30-year-old Black guy with very big and toned arms played with me for a bit. He grabbed my cock and I grabbed his, but I knew I couldn’t do more, so the guy soon lost interest and moved on.
There was another very toned guy who was standing on the perimeter, a few steps outside of the dick deck orgy, and he was getting sucked by another guy. He had nice abs and more importantly, quite a thick dick. I loved watching his thick cock go into the other guy’s throat and the two of them at it for a very long time. I lost my excitement every time his cocksucker came up to cuddle and kiss him, as I could no longer see the thick cock between their tightly embraced bodies.
I should’ve gotten on my knees to display my submission. Maybe he wouldn’t have cared, as he was totally engaged with his cocksucker, but at least it would’ve excited me enough to cum. But eventually my Master said it was time to leave. We had a day full of activities ahead of us the next day — just as my Master prescribed.
Thankfully, he still entertained my desperate need for relief. As soon as we arrived in our stateroom I lay on my bed and applied lube to my cock. I started jerking off and soon, as I was getting hard, my Master came over and took his cock out of his shorts. It was soft but it grew a bit as I kissed and licked it. I closed my eyes and took it into my mouth. I’m not that turned off by a flaccid cock, certainly not my Master’s, but I am a size queen and it was small in that moment, if I’m being honest. However, in just a few seconds it started growing and filling my mouth, until it reached its usual thick girth.
I sucked with passion, letting out hums of pleasure. I was eager to please him, even as I was determined to finally reach my own climax. To my surprise, he told me to look into his eyes. What a precious gift that was, being allowed to have eye contact with my Master, my superior, my owner, looking up at him as his cock filled my mouth. He had only let me look at him once before while having sex, and this was the first time he let me do it as I was about to cum. I kept looking up at him while sucking his cock for another minute or so, until I finally came. I called out his name as I came — as I’m always required to do, though you couldn’t really understand what I was saying with his cock deep inside my throat. But I kept at it, murmuring his name again and again, because my orgasm lasted for so long.
He handed me a towel to quickly wipe my cum off my abs, while he kept feeding me his cock. As he was getting ready to cum too, he took his cock out of my mouth and started jerking himself off. Then he ordered me to take over and jerk him off. “Faster,” he instructed, and I did my best to go faster and apply a tighter hold on his cock. It was hard to keep at it, but I needed to, because I wanted to please him. Thankfully he gave me a brief break, as he applied some more lube and proceeded to stroke his cock briefly. Then I resumed jerking him off, going faster, but also trying to keep the aim of his cock lower than my eyes, to avoid getting his cum in them and all over the headboard. I stroked faster and tighter, until he finally came on my chest.
I was so grateful for having gotten relief too. I was indeed more relaxed in the following days, though I remained horny.
So that was where the trip started and you already heard where it ended up. Take from it what you want. I had a good time and I'm just about to book my next plane ticket to visit my Master in 3 months. So even if I rant and share so much about challenges and limits, that doesn't mean I'm not having fun. It takes a lot of work to maintain this long-distance relationship, even if it's not a romantic one. And putting in the work is what has allowed us to keep having fun for over six years.
Before I bid you farewell, let me remind you I began putting my blog into books. The first two volumes of my series, My Journey into Submission, are out now — Becoming a Slave, and My Master & Me. The third one, Around the World, Locked, is coming soon. All the links are in the show notes.
Thank you, and until next time, be well, be good, and have fun.