What I'd Do Just to Get Some (Musings)
Horny and mindfucked into a matchmaker fantasy and a scam
House Slave Fag returns with a musings episode on submission, findom, and the trouble with finding sex once you're off Grindr. Struggling to hook up in his hometown, he floats a new fantasy — outsourcing his hookups to a matchmaker who'd drain him like a finsub and pimp him out at the same time. He also confirms his plan to turn his blog into five curated books.
Topics in this episode
- Grindr, privacy, and the matchmaker fantasy (01:08)
- Turning the blog into books (04:37)
- Two weeks of denial and chasing sex (06:38)
- The guys I almost met (11:47)
- Findom vs. scamming (16:20)
It's been two years this week since my first episode. While the musings will continue on this podcast, closing the blog isn't really an ending — it just means these stories finally become books, and I'm genuinely excited about that.
For the next four weeks, you can find this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
House Slave Fag
Transcript
Hi there,
Thank you for joining me on another bonus podcast episode of "A Fag's Journey into Submission." I am your host, House Slave Fag.
It's been a strange couple of weeks — back in my hometown, not getting any sex and also not giving myself any release on my own. So it got me mindfucked and thinking in wrong directions.
I'll tell you about a fantasy I began to develop, of outsourcing my hookup search to a matchmaker who'd drain me and pimp me out at the same time. I'm not completely over Grindr and they haven't heard the last of me. Though what I learned about their pervasive invasion of privacy was unsettling.
I'll share more about my decision to close the blog and turn it into five books. And I'll walk you through the guys I almost met, and what the mindfuck cost me this time.
It's a lot of me thinking out loud about how badly I want sex right now, and what I might be willing to do to get it.
Enjoy!
Grindr, privacy, and the matchmaker fantasy
I continue to challenge Grindr through the European GDPR rules, because their lack of transparency providing no real explanation for blocking me is completely unacceptable and certainly not in line with EU law. They did provide a response, but it was still incomplete, so I challenged them again, and if they won't come through, I'll go ahead and try to complain through the relevant authorities.
There is another thing worth noting. It was really eye-opening for me to learn how pervasive Grindr's disrespect for privacy was — and obviously non-compliant with the EU's and others' requirement for proportional gathering of private information. The data file they shared with me included the countries I visited and even the specific locations, going back years. So just keep in mind that Grindr knows and remembers your every sauna visit, every time you went cruising, every hookup you went on.
The Grindr crisis gave me an idea though. I suppose it's more of a fantasy, because it would be difficult to execute, considering the requirements imposed on me by my Master. I was thinking that if it has become so hard to find hookups without Grindr, what if I outsourced it to someone who had that app? That is a variation on the pimping out fantasy, but possibly a little easier to execute, less problematic legally, and more appealing to many guys who wouldn't otherwise get that invested in a pimping out exercise. That would require them to go to great lengths to find clients who would be willing to pay (and would still meet my minimum standards, if I'm allowed to maintain them).
If you're wondering what's in it for the matchmaker, if he doesn't happen to be an especially huge fan of pimping out, it would still be money, although at a more modest fee per match (considering it shouldn't be that difficult to find someone wanting to feed me cock or fuck me). Since I'm the one with the problem of finding sex, I should be the one paying. So yeah, the matchmaker would be essentially draining me like a finsub and pimping me out. If he happens to be a FinDom, he may enjoy it even more, and possibly know how to push my buttons so that I feel the urge, the need even, to pay more in order to get fucked more, or to get fucked more in order to pay more. Yeah, he could make me want to get fucked in all my holes, my cashhole too.
I wouldn't want to meet just any ugly guy. However, it's likely that the matchmaker — and let's say he'd be a Dom matchmaker — wouldn't let me be too picky about the matches, because he wouldn't be willing to invest too much time in every match. He would force my hand to accept his terms: take it or leave it. If I would want to keep getting cocks through him, I would have to kiss some frogs every now and then. And who knows, maybe on occasion he would take advantage of that and take money from them too. That would be literally pimping me out to guys who'd pay for sex. He'd tell me after they fuck me that they had paid, that they had hired me for sex, that I'd become a whore. I'd want to protest and at least recover my own matchmaking fee, but I wouldn't be able to. It's not against the terms. It's his prerogative as the matchmaker to make money from both parties.
Let me think about it. I may not be able to execute it in real life, but I could incorporate it into my stories.
Turning the blog into books
Talking about stories, I'm starting to feel better about my decision to close the blog. It doesn't mean I'll stop blogging, though I'll be blogging less than I used to. It just means that while my blog will continue to live on my podcast, its written form will turn into books. And the exciting part about that is that those will be curated books.
My ongoing journey into submission will be unpacked and re-assembled into five new books that will tell you new stories: One about how I became the slave I am today; a couple about my cruising for sex around the world, through saunas, bars, and gay cruise ships; another about my relationship with my Master and what it takes to be in his service and maintain that relationship for so long; and a last one, about losing control in various ways, which is such a prominent feature of BDSM, but can also be destructive, and therefore deserves an especially careful treatment.
I spent a number of hours working on this over the weekend, and I hope you'll agree the concept is sound. It's quite an undertaking, and to do it properly, I'd like to be sure it all clicks together, with cross-references and without duplication. That means I need to finish creating all five books before I'm ready to publish any of them. But I have a feeling I can get it done before Pride month is over. By the way, did you know it's been two years this week since I published my first podcast episode? That's another reason to celebrate.
I sure hope this next chapter in my content creation goes well and that you'll appreciate where this podcast is going. My musings are often very intimate, so now perhaps more fans will be able to feel really connected to my journey into submission, as I share the musings with you all — every episode for a month, until it moves to the premium archive. And who knows, maybe I'll turn the musings into books or audiobooks too at some point, although that will be a greater undertaking.
Two weeks of denial and chasing sex
What a relief. I finally came yesterday, after two weeks of cum denial. I didn't really mean to punish myself, but I didn't get around to a chore my Master gave me, so in order not to get rejected until I did the chore, I just didn't ask. I didn't really know if he would reject me every time I'd ask, but I didn't feel like finding out. And I guess I felt like I should've just done the chore.
That's just like any chore. Maybe you see a form on the table that you dread filling out, even if it wouldn't take too long. In the meantime you penalize yourself by feeling bad every time you look at it. So in my case there was the consequence of not cumming, even if it may have been self-inflicted.
Of course, with not cumming, came the mindfuck. I got more horny and eager, and that drove me to think more about dominant guys to use me. So I chatted a bit more with my Dangerous FinDom, but I managed to avoid sending again. I really wanted to, but I didn't. I wanted to send him from my Throne balance, instead of my credit card, but it was almost empty. So I tried posting a couple more tweets that would tease finsubs into sending to me — but the tweets didn't get me far.
Don't you worry though. I have a plan for after I publish my new books. The books are my first priority right now, and they're actually getting me excited. I look forward to getting my blog out in the form of books. Fun kinky books that will tell the story of my journey into submission.
I didn't work on them during the week, because I was trying to focus on work, but I plan to get back to them this weekend. And once I'm done, I'll have more time to set up how to communicate with you all more consistently on social media. Specifically on Twitter (and no offense to Bluesky, but it hasn't taken off). Maybe I'll do Instagram too, though it's harder to publish kink there. And I don't know, should I consider Snapchat? Maybe not, because I have no idea how that platform works. I mean really, isn't Instagram confusing enough? I know, I'm showing my age.
Speaking of age, can I tell you I've been talking to much younger kids lately? I mean, oops, there I go showing my age again, but I meant guys in their early twenties. I'm really not into twinks usually. My preference is for guys who are at least thirty years old. Even if the younger ones can be hot. As long as they're of legal age. And I guess there is a bit of a thrill in having a cocky young punk treat me as his bitch.
Anyway, the reason for that is that I'm searching in a much smaller pool than I'm used to. I've told you this before, that it's always harder for me to find hookups in my hometown. I'm not exotic to my compatriots, and frankly, I'm not that hot for them either. Or maybe there just aren't a lot of available gays here. Surely there are a lot of gays, but many of them are partnered. So if my sex life wasn't hard enough when visiting here as it was, it's become impossible without Grindr, forcing me to search for new avenues and go out of my comfort zone.
Besides reaching out to guys of different ages than my usual, and perhaps sometimes hairier than my preference, I'm also using different apps. I got on Sniffies, The Blowers, and some chatrooms I didn't know of on Telegram. Damn, after saving so much time by not being on Grindr, I'm now sucked into other apps with fewer results.
I find myself chasing cocks on The Blowers, to find guys who'd leave a testimony of what a good cocksucker I am, because apparently that's how that app works. I'm even trying to find guys on Twitter, but that seems useless, aside from a few content creators, who never bother to check their messages. In addition, I understand there's some niche for connecting with guys on Instagram, but I don't want to do that.
I know it may seem odd and even uncommon, but despite my exhibitionist nature and everything I share with you here, I'd rather keep it more decent on social media, where my face and name are on display. I keep my sluttiness for the cruises, bars, and saunas, and there's very little I want to share on social media these days. I don't want to compare myself to others, and I also don't want to share thirst traps that could also be seen by my family, colleagues, and straight friends. Does that make me a prude? I don't mind. I can be super slutty, but I choose where and with whom.
Oof, pardon me. As usual, I have some strong opinions. But don't let that discourage you if you love to flaunt your fabulous life and hot body on social media. I'm still a thirst traps consumer and I appreciate everyone's efforts. I'll just do that without sharing my face. Maybe. I told you my Master is worried about me doing any porn, for fear that employers would find out about it. Now that's messed up! Because what's wrong with sex? With showing some skin? I realize I'm completely contradicting what I said just a moment ago, but go with it. Indulge me.
The guys I almost met
Let's move on to talk about some of the guys I almost met. Yeah, that's all I can speak of: the guys I almost met. Because I'm not meeting anyone. Oh, how I miss that reliable fuckbuddy I blogged about two or three times before. One of these days I'm going to ask my roommate to let me borrow his phone to search for my fuckbuddy through his Grindr and reconnect.
I just finished chatting with a Master, one of many who claimed they were the best, true Alphas above all others. He was busy on a work trip, so I just wrote him that I was looking forward to continuing the conversation and seeing if we could match. So that cocky fuck said we matched. I mean, sure, I'm flattered that he found me to be a good match for him. However, that's because he interrogated me and made me share more pictures, whereas I still didn't know what he looked like naked, among other things. Yeah, I didn't know if he was a match for me.
And of course, the dealbreaker was that I still didn't have the chance to confirm if he was a match from my Master's perspective too. That is, if he would pass my Master's approval for me to meet him. So after he exhausted all his questions and finally messaged back when he returned from his trip, expecting to meet right away, I told him the terms for my Master's approval. I'd mentioned very early on that I'd need his permission. However, now that he wanted to meet, before even showing me what he looked like shirtless, not to mention what his dick looked like, I explained that my Master would need to see photos of his face and his dick.
When he refused, and I said I couldn't meet him, he said it was my loss. I'm used to many guys not accepting my Master's terms, whether because they're concerned about their privacy, or because they're too proud to share their pictures with my Master. I totally get it and respect it. Privacy is paramount and therefore I always ask for their permission first. I just thought that he was a real asshole for saying it was MY loss. That's like offering your colleague a slice of pizza, and when she says she can't have it because she has celiac, you'd tell her it's HER loss. No shit! I'm sure she knows it, but who would be such a jerk to say that?
Of course I addressed his stupidity in the most courteous way, albeit no longer subserviently. It's ironic that this guy who boasted that he could easily get 10 other fags had the most defensive and dramatic reaction of all guys who rejected my Master's terms.
Another guy I want to mention is the one I referred to at the end of last week's podcast. I'm afraid though that I have bad news, and I can't do much more than mention him. It's not going anywhere with him. He's a handsome and athletic guy, but he too didn't want to send his pictures to my Master. In his case, I could've explored the possibility of only sending his face pic to my Master, since he wasn't going to let me near his cock — but he didn't want that either. Just to clarify, the plan was to only do chores for him. Maybe lick his feet. Nothing more than that. But my Master still wants to vet the guys I meet in private, not only to make sure they meet his standards, but also for my safety.
The guy didn't want it, but he didn't give up on trying to convince me either. He couldn't, because I want to stay faithful to my Master, but it was interesting to observe his persistence. Unlike the guy I mentioned earlier, he wasn't an asshole about it. He didn't dismiss my need to follow rules. He just encouraged me to keep considering serving him. He wasn't cocky about it, just very confident, and that was much more attractive than the other guy's behavior. So much so that I'd say his offer to use me without sex was more attractive than the other guy's offer to fuck my brains out.
I was wondering if guys' increased need for privacy was because I was talking to most of them on apps where it was more common to send disappearing photos. I forget those photos so quickly, and they're useless for getting my Master's permission. My Master's requirement is not without reason though. At least concerning the face photo. Even without his requirement, I don't want to meet someone without a face picture, and I'd have a hard time trusting that person and feeling safe, if his face picture disappeared after ten seconds. But that's me. Not judging, just raising one security concern.
Findom vs. scamming
One thing that happened out of this horniness was a bit too much flexibility to explore a too-good-to-be-true scenario, despite all the red flags. A hot muscular Black guy claimed to be from Amsterdam but currently in the UK, and was interested in taking me in for a few days and fulfilling my wildest fantasies. Except he wanted a tribute before meeting.
Now, considering my experience with findom, I'm not categorically opposed to a guy demanding a tribute, although there's a great chance I would just dismiss him, if findom wasn't the thing that hooked me to him in the first place. But if a guy represents himself as a Master who wants to make me his house slave, because that's what he's interested in, and the tribute is just on top of that, then it's really hard to understand why the tribute couldn't wait until we met. I couldn't accept his claim that he needed that to establish trust, because at the same time, it was deeply eroding my trust in him because this didn't make sense.
There was a good reason all this didn't make sense. He had all the red flags and I would always avoid such a situation, but I had not cum in two weeks, so I was too eager and mindfucked. I made an excuse to myself, that in the worst case, this would be like findom. After all, I have given more money to FinDoms in the past. In his case, he demanded 50 euros. With fees it was more. Of course, in an anonymous online gift card.
I remember one FinDom telling me that findom was a scam. Except it hits a little differently. It's much more like sex. Sure you get duped, but it feels better. It feels like getting fucked but in your mind's hole. If you're just scammed, you're fucked in an even more humiliating way, with zero intent to give you a mindgasm. That said, it didn't feel so bad because I was thinking of it in this way, as a potential alternative form of getting drained. It was even less painful, because at the same time I was contemplating giving more than double that amount to another guy, who fucked off and saved me the money. I was asking him what he wanted to do when we met and specifically, we were discussing the possibility of filming for Twitter, so I wanted to know what he wanted to film. Since he wouldn't say more than just whatever he'd feel like at the moment, I said I wouldn't tribute for something that was basically no commitment at all. He refused, and in retrospect, I may have dodged one expensive scam for a much cheaper one.
But don't you worry about me. In the past couple of days I had more encouraging conversations with some guys, so maybe something interesting would come out of them. Also, later this week, I'm invited to go to a social gathering of gay men around my age. I can't say I found the man of my dreams among those who had their picture visible in the WhatsApp group, but I'll give it a chance, and I'll let you know how it went.
That's it for today. I hope to get the new books out to you soon. In the meantime, my entire blog is still available for free on my website at HouseSlaveFag.com, while my fantasies and past musings remain available as digital books for purchase or on my premium podcast.
Thank you for your continued support. Please don't hesitate to reach out with any feedback or questions. And if you liked what you heard, you can help me by rating this podcast on your favorite platform and sharing it with friends.
Until next time, be well, be good, and have fun.