Fun at the Eagle and Some Changes (Musings)

In this podcast episode, House Slave Fag muses in a horny state, trying to avoid building desperation — with too little sex, too much to do for work, and not catching a break with the blog. He finally gets some in New York (though it may not be enough). He reflects on a week of being sick at his Master's place after their cruise, sets a new fitness plan based on a promise to his Master, and shares important decisions for his blog and podcast.

Topics in this episode

• Eager to Serve, Desperate to Cum (01:24)
• Caught a Cold on the Cruise (03:44)
• A Hot Night at the Eagle (05:09)
• A Flat Stomach by Year's End (09:49)
• A Gym Flirt and the Kinky DOSE Effect (14:20)
• Creator Fatigue (15:40)
• A Decision About the Blog (17:44)

A heads-up for premium subscribers: I'm changing how the podcast works. New musings episodes will now be free for the first month and move to premium after that. I explain the reasoning at the end of this episode.

For the next four weeks, you can find this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

More episodes, stories, and weekly musings at houseslavefag.com/podcast.

Hi there,

Thank you for joining me on another bonus podcast episode of "A Fag's Journey into Submission." I am your host, House Slave Fag.

It's been a while — I was sick after my last cruise with my Master, and I needed to think about a few things before I could put this episode together.

Today I'm musing from a horny, restless state — I haven't cum in a few days because I know my Master expects me to prepare the itinerary for our next trip, and I didn't want to bother asking for permission, thinking he might condition it on progressing with this task.

I'm now back in my home town, after a lot of travels. I'm trying to get back to old routines with even greater resolve than before, including a new app I created, doing one up from my past monitoring system. More on that next week.

Today I'll tell you about a fun night at the Eagle, my new fitness goal (mandated by my Master), and a big decision I've made about the blog and my podcast, because some things have to change if I want to remain compliant with new age verification rules on the one hand, and consistent with a content schedule on the other hand. I'll explain everything at the end of this episode.

Enjoy!

Eager to Serve, Desperate to Cum

I'm horny as hell and I'm visiting relatives, so I don't have a lot of private time to jerk off and relieve myself. Not less important, my Master is expecting me to work on the itinerary for our next trip, more than two months from now, so I'm thinking he might not want to let me cum until I make progress on the itinerary.

Now that it's already been three days without cumming, I'm entering the desperate mindfucked headspace of wanting just to serve. I mean, I really want to cum, but now I also have a deeper yearning to be used and be of good service, so I'm thinking of postponing cumming so I can stay as eager as men want me to be for their use.

Getting this eager is fun, but it gets me distracted from work, even if I put the chastity cage on, which I haven't been doing. Being this horny makes me more vulnerable to FinDoms. So I've been thinking a little more about my dangerous FinDom. Actually, I sent to him a couple more times, but just a little. The risk is that I'm traveling to New York today, so this is not the best time to get desperately horny, because if that leads me to consider meeting with him, that will cost me at least a thousand dollars. And potentially make me continue to spiral.

If I hadn't been blocked from Grindr, I would've been wasting time right now on the app. I'm still doing some of that on Scruff, but it's not nearly as bad as with Grindr since there are way fewer guys on that app. I got excited by a couple of conversations with hot guys yesterday, but I won't be able to meet either of them soon enough, as they're not in New York. One of them is a hot, young, very hung guy, who wants to sissify me and fuck me a lot. The other is around my age and has a huge, muscular, hairy body. He's up for taking me in as his house slave to serve him and his partner in sex, chores, and also filming. He's hung thick too.

So I have all these temptations, but I don't have an opportunity to play. It will probably be at least 11 pm by the time I reach the hotel in New York tonight, so if I want to go to the Eagle bar, it won't be before midnight. I also won't have time to douche — it will only be to suck some cock. But I feel like I need at least that. I'm just so horny.

Caught a Cold on the Cruise

I skipped to the latest news, but it's been two weeks since I published a podcast episode, and I haven't told you what I've been up to. An important reason for not publishing last week was that I was quite sick again, and I got it from the cruise with my Master. I totally blamed him for it because he made me go on the last two indoor parties on the cruise, even though I had asked him not to, knowing there was a very high chance of catching some infection. After five days on a gay cruise, everyone could be carrying something, whether it's a cold or the flu or COVID. I got a cold, and it was completely avoidable.

So I was weak, tired, and in a foul mood, and I had a feeling the episode would come out as just bitching, with nothing fun to share, especially as I didn't have much sex. Although by the end of the week my Master and I did have sex a couple of times, sort of. That is, side sex.

Let me see what I can remember.

Damn. I can’t. I have to be honest with you. I’ve come back to this too long after it happened and I can't really describe those scenes in a way that would do them justice. I think I’ve hit some creator fatigue, together with that cold, my job hunt, and also learning that I’m going to have a real problem to meet new European age verification requirements.

<sigh>

A Hot Night at the Eagle

I have some decisions to make about my content, because I'm facing real challenges, but I'll put that on hold for now and get back to sex. After not finding an opportunity to cruise during most of my travels, I was hoping I'd get some in New York. I was in town for almost a week, but guys were so flaky, and I didn't have a lot of prospects anyway without Grindr. Yes, Grindr has ruined my sex life.

And then I went to the Eagle for Jockstrap Night on Wednesday and didn't find anyone to play with. Though Saturday was a lot of fun, so I should tell you about that.

The Eagle was totally packed on Saturday. Most of the action was taking place on the second floor in the corner that is near the restroom. I popped into the restroom a couple of times but I didn’t see any action there, except for some staring exchanged among guys who were pissing. I was wearing a yellow band on my right arm, but that didn’t get anyone to offer me his piss.

Outside the restroom I connected with a tall slim toned Black guy. He let me lick his nipples but he wasn’t looking to get sucked. He told me he needed to go to the restroom. I considered proposing that I’d help him take care of it right there, but I didn’t, and he went on to the bathroom. I saw him again later and we continued where we left off. We kissed and cuddled a lot. He played the big spoon and let me be a little spoon below him, cuddling under his arms. I still didn't get to suck him off though, and eventually we went our separate ways.

I also cuddled and kissed with another guy who was quite the opposite: he had large muscular limbs and he was short and hairy. He was handsome, and I enjoyed cuddling with him, but I didn't get very far with him either. On the other hand, I wasn't as tempted to suck him off, because as much as I enjoyed cuddling with him and feeling his muscles, I wasn't looking to suck a hairy bush. And I wasn't feeling a big bulge down there anyway. I know — I'm a size queen.

I was much more interested in another guy, a very hung white man in his 40s, who was very muscular but not large-bodied and just a couple of inches taller than me. I really wanted to ask him if he might want to meet again, but he seemed more interested in a twink he was kissing while I was sucking him off.

I sucked the twink's cock too while they were kissing. His cock was longer but not as thick as the muscular guy's cock. I prefer it thicker. And I prefer more muscles. But he was assertive too and he held my head on his cock. Actually, at first I wasn’t sure he wanted me to suck his cock, but then I saw he got interested when I sucked the muscular guy's cock. Then he bred the muscular guy, who was versatile, based on what I heard in their exchange. The muscular guy asked for lube but the twink didn't have any. They had to settle for spit. Ouch.

I made the best connection with a couple of guys visiting from Peru. Yes, with both of them, though only one of them was a top. A Dom at that, around my age, a little hairy and a little muscular, short, and wearing a harness. He loved my chastity cage.

His cock was a little under the average but I was happy to suck it. We spent a lot of time together and though we separated at some point, we resumed when we met again. He asked me to suck him off again. He didn't want me to just crouch, but that my knees touch the floor and that I stay on my knees.

The second time I saw him was actually when his husband pointed him out. I had been hugging and kissing with his husband although he was a bottom, who by the way, had a smaller cock. But he was a better kisser, using less teeth. I was really into him. He was so handsome and smooth and muscular. I loved being in his arms and kissing them.

While I played with his Dom husband, another guy — a muscular Black Latino — joined us. I felt his cock through his training pants and he then lowered them to reveal his cock for me to suck. It was just the right size and I was happy to submit to him. When I came up, he asked the other Dom to suck. The guy was reluctant but eventually submitted to him too.

It was a fun night. If you're wondering why I didn't beg anyone to fuck me, it was because I hadn't had time to douche. I'd just arrived in New York a couple of hours earlier, and by the time I was at my hotel and showered, it was midnight. So I skipped douching and took a taxi to the Eagle.

A Flat Stomach by Year's End

Reflecting back on the week I had at my Master's place after our cruise, I mostly think how I'd want it to be better next time. Being sick that week — again — made it feel wasted. I wanted to have fun with him, and enjoy serving him and being more productive, both through doing more chores and arranging more meetings for my job hunt.

Not to be too gloomy, it wasn't a tragedy, and it's quite normal to be tired and weak when you're sick, but I'm really hoping for a better experience next time. That will start with standing firm on avoiding unnecessary health risks. As I mentioned before, that meant avoiding the last parties on the cruise that are held in closed quarters and using a mask much more. I'll be minded to put it on whenever I am in those indoor parties (although I plan to avoid them) and also when standing in lines — like when boarding a plane or a ship and when getting off. And also more on public transportation, including buses, trains, and planes. I also started taking vitamin C, vitamin D, and Zinc more regularly.

Despite the illness, I did end up having sex with my Master — sort of. Toward the end of the week, he had me give him a massage and then give him a happy ending. I was surprised, but happy to indulge him. He was really getting into it and reaching climax fast, until he came with my mouth still partly on his cock. He took over, squeezing his cock for the last drops, but I felt the taste of it.

The next day we played again but he didn't let me suck him off. I think he was a little anxious again, as he heard me coughing from the other room. So he just let me jerk him off. "Make me cum," he said as always, and I had to ask him how, because he never came from just being jerked off. But he encouraged me, and he also jerked himself off some of the time. Finally he came on my hand while I was jerking him off. Success!

I was glad I could be of good service to him. And I hope to do even better next time he sees me, in two months, when we go on our next cruise in Europe. I don't just mean that I hope to increase the chances to avoid an illness, but that I will be a little fitter, as he would like. He gave me a goal to have a flat stomach by the end of the year. So I'm going to get back to my daily coaching sessions with my AI and I'll make my fitness and nutrition commitments a big part of that, updating my macros intake, consulting with it on the exercises I should do at the gym, reporting what I did, and staying accountable about everything, to be sure I also walk more and eat more vegetables.

I was thinking about all that also during my last visit at the Eagle on Wednesday. There were so many very muscular guys there, and I wanted to have a similar body. I'm used to getting a little pumped when I work out consistently, and I'm grateful that my muscular roommate said that it seemed like I was keeping at it because my arms looked big. But I wanted more.

I'm back at my usual Airbnb in my home town with a plan to get back to regular workouts, at least 5 times a week, at the gym across the street, as well as walking 10,000 steps a day. That's going to be easier now that the weather is getting hotter. And if it gets too hot, I can do morning and evening walks. I gained a few pounds in my recent travels but I don’t just want to lose them. I don't just want to have pumped arms or a flatter stomach. I want to look like the muscular guys I'm hot for. I want ripped volume.

All this requires discipline, and that can be sexy too. It’s what my Master wants. Even if he never really took advantage of my offers to monitor me through my goals chart or anything of the sort, he’ll surely notice if I look better when we meet again in 2 months. And I can also send him before and after shots comparing my progress every month.

Though I may find I’m most motivated by checking myself in the mirror and in those progress shots. And if I end up finding more hot guys for fun, that will probably help too. And from what I read in the DOSE Effect, motivation just gets easier over time. The author explains the critical role of dopamine in creating habits and I look forward to writing a whole post about the kinky DOSE effect. That is, how I can incorporate it into my kinks to bring myself more joy. So stay tuned.

A Gym Flirt and the Kinky DOSE Effect

Right now I’m back at the gym across the street from my apartment after a few months away. I feel good about getting back here less than 24 hours after landing. I also feel good about the guy who seems to be checking me out while I’m cycling. He’s walking on a significant incline on the treadmill next to the one in front of me. He’s handsome, athletic, and not super buff.

And I just caught him looking at me. He then looked away and licked his lips. That is a tell, and when I looked up, he was checking me out again. Oh, it feels like high school again. That brings a smile to my face. And he’s a big smiler too.

I wish I could find him on an app, but I don’t have Grindr. He’s much less likely to be on any other app, and interestingly, he doesn’t even seem to have brought his phone to the treadmill. This is actually a good implementation of The DOSE Effect‘s advice. You get extra benefits from fully immersing in a workout without distractions that spike and crash your dopamine.

Curiously, the guy just switched from his treadmill to the one directly in front of me, where both of us can’t see each other and continue teasing. But I really enjoyed it. And thanks to him I stayed on the bike a little longer.

Creator Fatigue

Damn, it's been so long that I've been putting off finishing this episode, and I'm desperately horny in the absence of sex. Getting back to my content could be just the thing I need to satiate my sexual needs, just like during the COVID pandemic, when I couldn't get any sex.

Exploring fantasies is so much fun and I have quite a few stories I could advance. Like Collared, the one with my Master, or Submitting to Master Macho, on my submission into sissification in Mexico City. Though I just checked in with my real-life Mexican Master and he's not available to meet and take it further in the coming months. So instead, I could just explore doing more with Master Maximus in Tranced & Transformed. And I know some of you especially enjoyed the tales I told from the point of view of a Dom.

I need to set up a new system. Perhaps spending a little time every evening on preparing this podcast, and more on fantasies on the weekend, or when I'm very horny. But I'll be producing fewer episodes. I need to put more time into my job hunt.

I'm working on a project that I wanted to finish before going on my next cruise with my Master. But now he told me he wants me to join him on another trip — not a gay cruise — next month. That will carve out another couple of weeks away from my work. I didn't really want to go because the flights in the summer will be really expensive and I do want to focus on my project. But it's really important for him, and he's making an effort to get a friend of his to pay for my expenses, which would take away my main excuse. That doesn't make the job hunt concern go away.

Believe me, it's not that I just want to please him, but I certainly don't want to piss him off, and I do have a long-term relationship to maintain with him. So some compromises are needed. But sometimes it's hard to see where I might be compromising too much. In the meantime, I need to get more focused with my job hunt. My AI is helping by keeping me accountable and a little more disciplined, as long as I hold coaching sessions with it.

A Decision About the Blog

It’s time to wrap up. Enough is enough. But before I go, I have given it some more thought, and I made a decision about what I want to do. Taking down my blog from Ghost seems inevitable, because of the new requirements of age verification, since they're not taken care of by the website.

I love my pretty blog and I appreciate the home Ghost has given me, without arbitrary and unexpected censorship. But I need to be practical. It has always been a problem to monetize through Ghost and now I'm going to have an even bigger problem.

With the new requirements, I have three bad options: One is being non-compliant and continuing with business as usual, but of course that's not a realistic option for me, because I'm a rule-follower good boi. A second option is paying for age verification for everyone, which will easily come to hundreds of dollars a year. So I'm choosing the third option, of closing it down. But not before I find some alternative for sharing my blog in writing, in addition to my podcast.

I'm still working out the timing of shutting down Ghost — I'll keep you posted. But I decided what I wanted to do about the blog. While it continues to live on the podcast, I'm also going to put the blog into books. That's going to require some work, but it's a little easier now with the advancement of AI. I need to see how to organize it into various anthology volumes, but I feel good about this option. The books solve my age verification problem and maybe even find a new audience.

As to the podcast, I'll continue with the musings format on a weekly basis, but from now on, I'll make it available to everyone for the first month, and close it for paid subscribers after a month, with access through Apple Podcasts or subs.com and maybe OnlyFans. I know that while Apple handles it easily, the other platforms are not ideal for sharing links to new premium podcast episodes, but I don't see a better alternative. It's a very restrictive space and it's only getting worse. Pardon my gloomy forecast.

I have to acknowledge this could come as a blow to many of you, especially the premium subscribers, and not a good blow. I appreciate your support and I'll understand if you find the new arrangement doesn't justify your continued contribution. Please know that it's been very helpful to continuing to produce this kinky content, and that I still want to make more. So much more. I just told you about all the stories I still want to resume. And my sexual and kinky adventures are not ending, so I'll still have a lot to report about through my musings, and some podcast episodes exploring more focused themes, every now and then.

So for the free subscribers, this might not be so much of a blow, as you'll still be getting a weekly episode, sometimes more. They'll just be a little different than what you might be used to, though I assure you, in the same eager, submissive voice. So keep following. My journey into submission is not over.

And tomorrow is another day to muse for you. There’s actually a new Master I’d love to tell you about, but it seems like he might not want me to publish it, even though I’m so discreet and wouldn’t identify him. I’ll have to talk to him to understand what’s the issue. Honestly, it’s a bit of a turn off if I can’t talk about my experience. But I’ll let you know what he says.

Until next time, be well, be good, and have fun.