Be Well, Be Good, and Have Fun

I was prompted to elaborate a bit on the topic of mental health in kink after a troubling exchange with a sub. As you may have noticed, I conclude all of my podcast episodes with a wish to you, that you be well, be good, and have fun. Let’s talk a bit about this, specifically about your mental wellbeing.

One behavior of Doms and subs that I find especially problematic — and forgive my criticism if you feel attached to it — is the annulment of a sub to the point of utter worthlessness. It's a behavior that I see practiced by Doms putting down subs so completely, and by subs, adopting the view that their low place under Doms makes them worthless.

It pains me to see a sub losing sight of his self worth. My view is that even in his submission, a sub is asserting his worth, because he (or she or they or it) is giving the Dom a place above him. In reality, we are all equals, by birthright as human beings. A Dom or even an Alpha, is not really superior to others. He enjoys superiority only through the eyes of others, who imagine him to be above them.

I don't see why a Dom would put down a sub so much as to think he has no worth. At worst, the mindset, if it is internalized can lead to self-destruction, addiction, and suicide ideation. This is not the right way to enjoy Domination and submission. Once again, the Dom gets all his power from the sub. If he destroys the sub, he can no longer enjoy the power he got from him.

Be well — that's the first part of my closing message. It's such a standard statement, yet so important. Before we can have fun, we need our health, and that includes our mental health. Then I wish that you all be good. Do good in the world, without harming each other, so we can all keep having fun. Ultimately, I'm a hedonist. That's what I think I can get out of life — a whole lot of fun. Aiming for good health and being good to each other are essential, but the ultimate objective is to have fun.